Falling Off The Thin Blue Line

Falling Off The Thin Blue Line: A Badge, a Syringe, and a Struggle with Steroid Addiction is a brief memoir by David Johnson*, a Texas police officer who began using steroids, then ran his own web-based supply company, and then gave it all up after some significant scares.

Through his story, Johnson explores how a sense of physical inadequacy (climaxed by a fellow high schooler who beat him to a pulp) sparked his interest in weightlifting, how getting bigger only increased his need to get even bigger (what has been termed as reverse anorexia), and how veering off onto the other side of the law cost him recognition as a sane individual.

As part of his description, he includes insights into a law enforcement officer's mentality (ex. how to behave and act when a police officer stops you in traffic) and day-to-day life (freebies from fast-food restaurants and "professional courtesy" for smaller violations) and details the supplements (hormones and steroids) he used and his experiences with them.

Ultimately though, his details (and his apparent mindset) lacks one thing: reflection. While he explores his mistakes and misadventures and his occasional wavering uncertainty, he still fails to take account of his deviance and of his responsibility, the way his actions affect the others in his life. He seems to still be a child in mind, someone who grows so used to his privileges that he takes them for granted (such as when he coaxes a doctor to look past his "psychopath" result on a required personality test when tries to reenter the police force).

He also fails to account for his apparent sense of inadequacy and his continual fear of physically stronger guys.

In the end, his story is alternatingly cautionary and a reckoning that falls short.

* = a pseudonym