Falling Off The Thin Blue Line

Falling Off The Thin Blue Line: A Badge, a Syringe, and a Struggle with Steroid Addiction is a brief memoir by David Johnson*, a Texas police officer who began using steroids, then ran his own web-based supply company, and then gave it all up after some significant scares.

Through his story, Johnson explores how a sense of physical inadequacy (climaxed by a fellow high schooler who beat him to a pulp) sparked his interest in weightlifting, how getting bigger only increased his need to get even bigger (what has been termed as reverse anorexia), and how veering off onto the other side of the law cost him recognition as a sane individual.

As part of his description, he includes insights into a law enforcement officer's mentality (ex. how to behave and act when a police officer stops you in traffic) and day-to-day life (freebies from fast-food restaurants and "professional courtesy" for smaller violations) and details the supplements (hormones and steroids) he used and his experiences with them.

Ultimately though, his details (and his apparent mindset) lacks one thing: reflection. While he explores his mistakes and misadventures and his occasional wavering uncertainty, he still fails to take account of his deviance and of his responsibility, the way his actions affect the others in his life. He seems to still be a child in mind, someone who grows so used to his privileges that he takes them for granted (such as when he coaxes a doctor to look past his "psychopath" result on a required personality test when tries to reenter the police force).

He also fails to account for his apparent sense of inadequacy and his continual fear of physically stronger guys.

In the end, his story is alternatingly cautionary and a reckoning that falls short.

* = a pseudonym

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies is Seth Grahame-Smith's adaptation of Jane Austen's period piece drama to include the aforementioned undead and wuxia-style martial arts.

This time, the focus is (once again) on Elizabeth Bennet, second daughter out of five in the Bennet family of Longhourne. Not merely beautiful and quick-witted, Elizabeth is now also an accomplished martial artist, known for her exceptional abilities with fists, blades, and guns and her dedication to killing "unmentionables" (zombies). We follow her life from just before her first encounter with Fitzwilliam Darcy, a most disagreeable, yet handsome man, up until her most satisfactory conclusion in marriage.

Unfortunately, for my case, the best qualities of the novel were the ones drawn from Austen; Grahame-Smith's zombies and ninjas addition was just not that interesting. Neither was it integrated enough into the story, and bore the seams between it and the original for all to see. The juvenile humor he added detracts from the otherwise dry humor that signifies Austen's work. It also causes Bennet's character to wildly fluctuate from being a smart and dignified Englishwoman to a heart-eating, blood-drenched warrior. While Grahame-Smith includes many references to Bennet's warrior honor throughout, they feel out-of-place.

This is an issue with zombies and ninjas addition as a whole: how does it fit with everything? When did the zombies first crawl up from their graves? How did it become acceptable for Englishwomen to go to China and Japan in order to learn "the deadly arts"? What does the inclusion of women as warriors mean for the British armed forces, and for British society in general? Are the zombies exclusive to the Britain?

These questions and many more remain unanswered.

If you like some laugh-out-loud moments (due to "balls" jokes and heart-eating) in your British period piece drama, you may enjoy it. If you don't, I'd recommend reading the original and sticking to it.